Catch22
by ShakespeareIsMyMuse
Summary: Twenty two signs that the person sitting next to you, every day, in that shiny Silver Camaro is a real, true, best friend.


**Author's Note:**

This all started when I wanted a new background for my desktop. I was searching through Google images seeing what I could put together to make some sort of collage, when I came across a picture that had this quote **"A Best Friend is someone who rides in your car, no matter how many times you have nearly killed them**" and for some strange reason, these two just popped into my head. So from three a.m. to sometime after six p.m., I spent my time looking up some of the cutest, nicest, sweetest, and, at times, strangest 'Best Friend' quotes known to man, or at least available on the internet.

Then I tried to pair them up with words from the mouths of our "Babe's" and strangely enough, they all seem to fit pretty well. Okay, I'm not going to lie, some of them may be manipulated a bit, but only because I love Danno and McGarrett so much that I really wish they were real. I will also admit that the main reason I watch the show is, not for the plot lines –because sometimes they aren't everything I want them to be, but for the way the friendship (and bromance) is written between our two Haole hotties!

So do I own Five-0? No, but I'll leave the disclaimer anyhow.

**DISCLAIMER: I, ShakespeareIsMyMuse, do so solemnly swear that I do not own Hawaii Five-0 or any of its affiliates, which includes: any familiar story plots, creation of original characters belonging to the show, cast and crew –with the inclusion of Scott Caan and Alex O'Loughlin because it is illegal to either own or enslave human beings. Rights, property and ownership belong rightfully and wholly to CBS and its Original Creator: Leonard Freeman (1920-1974), also to reboot creators: Peter M. Lenkov, Alex Kurtzman, and Robert Orci.**

**I, ShakespeareIsMyMuse, do however claim ownership of any unrecognizable characters and the formation of plot that follows. Any invention or similarity of any character or plot line that is seen here after represented really or fictitiously, alive or dead, is purely coincidental and unintentional.**

*Exhales* I hope that about covers everything. *Cracks Neck* Now, on with the story…my list? Okay, yeah, we'll call it my list.

**SUMMARY:** Twenty two signs that the person sitting next to you, every day, in that shiny Silver Camaro is a real, true, best friend.

**Catch 22**

"Many a person has held close, throughout their entire lives, two friends that always remained strange to one another, because one of them attracted by virtue of similarity, the other by difference."

1.) A guest knocks on your door and waits to be invited in; a real friend needs no invitation.

**Steve [Danny walks in to his house without knocking]:** Would it kill you to knock on that door?

**Danny [Knocks on the cabinet door]:** Happy?

2.) When you choose your friends, don't be short-changed by choosing personality over character.

**Steve [To Danny, about Danny]: **I'm so glad I don't work with a hothead; I'd hate to work with someone like that.

3.) Every human being must find his own way to cope with severe loss, and the only job of a true friend is to facilitate whatever method he chooses.

**Danny:** Is everything going to become a personal mission to you? You hang a guy off a roof because you lose your father?

**Steve** [Angry]: Danny, you know what…

**Danny** [Beginning agitation]: No, no, I just want to know; because if everything is going to become a personal mission to you, then I count my odds at job security, not to mention survival, pretty slim. So if you are going to be the "shoot first and ask questions later" type of a guy, [Fully Agitated] then I would at least like to be _**consulted**_, **so I know when to duck!**

**Steve** [Calmer]: Okay.

**Danny **[Calmer]: Okay.

4.) A true friend is one who thinks you are a good egg even if you are half cracked.

**Danny [to Steve]:** There's something wrong with you. You know that, right?

**Danny [To Steve, after he blows a door open with a grenade]:** Come on! What is the matter with you? If you need help, I will pay for it!

**Danny:** You're a sick person, you know that?  
><strong>Steve [Smiling]:<strong> But in the best possible way though, right?

5.) Without wearing any mask we are conscious of, we have a special face for each friend.

**Danny:** What's with the face?

**Steve:** I don't have a face.

**Danny:** Yes, you do. You have a face, okay? I am detective. It's what I do. I read people.

**Steve:** All right.

**Danny:** And you, my friend, have a face.

**Steve:** All right, I wanna ask you something, but I know it's gonna piss you off.

**Danny:** Would you not always be so judgmental?

6.) Never explain - your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway.

**Danny [To Matinsky "The Newlywed Killer"]**: I know what it's like to have somebody you love walk away from you.  
><strong>Steve<strong>: What are you doing? The guy is clearly a psychopath and you're trying to make friends with him. Trying to _"connect"_?  
><strong>Danny<strong>: He's standing right in front of us! He can hear you.  
><strong>Steve<strong>: I see he's standing right here, Danny. But you're a cop. You're not a therapist, you know?  
><strong>Danny<strong>: Hey, hey, hey! I've been trained for this kind of thing, okay?  
><strong>Steve<strong>: What? Bore people into submission?  
><strong>Danny [<strong>_**to Matinsky**_**]:**Don't listen to him, okay. His idea of communication is, he drops a witty one-liner and then shoots you in the face. Don't worry about it!  
><strong>Steve<strong>: You know what? I might shoot this guy just so he doesn't have to listen to you talk.  
><strong>Danny<strong>: Why don't you do your thing? I'll do mine, alright?  
><strong>[<strong>_**Steve shoots Matinsky who had lowered the knife he was holding close to a woman's throat; he got confused by their banter]**_

7.) A true friend will back up your alibi for the night of the murder and then ask "where should we hide the body?"

**Steve**: Check out Casanova over there at six o'clock.  
><strong>Danny<strong>: That's our boy. Let me tell you what I'd like to do. If that was my daughter, I would bust every single one of his fingers, one at a time.  
><strong>[<strong>_**Both watch as a man drops a roofie into a girl's drink**_**] **  
><strong>Steve, Danny<strong>: Oh!  
><strong>Danny<strong>: God, thank you for the excuse.

**Steve**: Let's go.

8.) A true friend never lets you do something stupid…alone.

**[Steve, Danny in a fire fight with several people at a Cult compound]**

**Danny:** Whoa. Whoa. Please can we...[bang] try...[bang] not...[bang] to kill everybody in the compound? One of these hippies might know where Jen is. All right?  
><strong>Steve [Grudgingly agrees]:<strong> Fine.

**[Both continue to shoot everything that moves]**

9.) Friendship is one mind inside two bodies.

**Danny**: I think if we can get our eyes on our people, we go in hot. Is that what you would do?  
><strong>Steve<strong>: Yes. That is what I would do. See? This is a partnership.  
><strong>Danny<strong>: It's like pulling teeth, you know that?

10.) It's the friends that you can call at four a.m. that matter.

**[Danny handing Steve an ice pack after Steve was tasered during a home invasion]**

**Danny:** How many were there?  
><strong>Steve:<strong> Three.  
><strong>Danny:<strong> Three? Good. Cause I was wondering how one little burglar comes in and takes advantage of one Navy SEAL.

11.) Real friends don't get offended when you call them names. They simply smile and call you something much more offensive.

**Steve:** Book'em Danno.

**Danny:** Neanderthal Animal.

12.) A true friend isn't about who came first and who you've known the longest, it's about who came and never left.

**[After meeting Steve's former S.E.A.L Platoon member Nick 'BullFrog' Taylor]**

**Steve:** What? Are you jealous?

**Danny:** No.

**Steve [Smiling]:** You're jealous!

**Danny [Walks away]:** No!

**[After finding out 'BullFrog' is the bad guy and Steve is forced to subdue him]**

**Danny:** You have _**got**_ to start doing a better job picking your friends.  
><strong>Steve<strong>: Tell me about it. I picked you, didn't I?  
><strong>Danny<strong>: Yeah.

13.) A true friend is someone who never gets tired of listening to your pointless dramas over and over again. **[AN: I though this one really fit perfectly because, if you decide to become a cop, there is a very good chance that you are going to either get shot (hopefully not fatally) or shot at, sometime during your career, so this whole Danny rant, really is pointless : ) ]**

**Danny:** Rule number one, if you get somebody shot, you apologize!

**Steve:** I'm sorry.

**Danny:** You don't wait for special occasions, like birthdays or friggin' President's day.

**Steve:** Hey, man, I'm sorry, I'm really, truly, sincerely sorry. That's what I was trying to tell you last year, when this conversation first started.

**Danny:** Your apology is noted, acceptance is pending.

**Steve:** You let me know now.

**Danny:** This is my point: What are the perks of being a cop? Pay sucks, the hours suck; sometimes I get - no, no. Not sometimes - all the time. I get shot at all the time.  
><strong>Steve:<strong> What are you talking about? You never… you hardly ever get shot at.  
><strong>Danny:<strong> Are you making a joke?  
><strong>Steve:<strong> When's the last time you got clipped?

14.) A true friend cares like a mother**1**, scolds like a father**2**, irritates like a sister**3**, teases like a brother**4**and loves more than a lover**5**.

**1Danny [When Steve loses his footing on the cliff]: **Steve! Steve! Are you alright? Answer me!

**1Danny [In reference to Steve losing his footing on the side of a cliff]: **Steve! Steve! Are you alright? Answer Me!

**2Danny [In reference to Steve breaking out of Prison]:** What the hell is the matter with you?

**Steve [In reference to a case]:** Zephyr Lounge, it's a nightclub, just sent us a link to remotely access their closed-circuit feeds.  
><strong>3Danny<strong>: Impressive. Did you learn that in SEAL school?  
><strong>Steve:<strong> Yeah, it's called using the internet. People have been doing it since the early 90's. You might have heard of it?  
><strong>Danny:<strong> I wouldn't know, I was, uh, still playing Ms. Pac-Man.  
><strong>Steve:<strong> Oh, yeah?  
><strong>Danny:<strong> Yeah.  
><strong>Steve:<strong> You ever make it to double pretzel level?  
><strong>Danny:<strong> Triple banana, bitch.  
><strong>Steve:<strong> You're a liar.

**4Danny [Referring to Catherine helping them on a case]: **You know something? It's amazing. Now she catches bad guys for you, and she... sleeps with you. Does she cook too?

**5Danny [When he finds Steve in N. Korea]:** Steve! I've got Steve! He's alive!

15.) Friends are the family members that God forgot to give us.

**Steve [In reference to Rachel trying to strip Danny's custody rights]: **What are you going to do about your ex?

**Danny:** I don't know, if I lose Grace, I don't have a reason to stay.

**[After Rachel drops the matter of trying to strip Danny's custody rights]**

**Steve:** Maybe you're not as alone here as you think.

**Steve [To Danny after, Danny pulls him up from the bottom of the cliff]:** Hey Danny, thanks brother.

**[Danny makes a cute 'Air Heart –I Love You' sign at Steve]**

16.) True friendship is never serene.

**Steve:** Trust me I know these roads.  
><strong>Danny:<strong> This is not a road. A road has asphalt and two lanes; this is dirt on a cliff.

**Steve:** Scared?  
><strong>Danny:<strong> No. I am not scared. I am rationally concerned.

17.) Friendship is a union of spirits, a marriage of hearts and the bond thereof virtue.

**[Danny and Steve arguing over a prison yard basketball game]**

**Prisoner: **Hey, how long have you two been married, huh?

**[Steve, Danny, and Lori on horseback while searching for a missing child at a Cult compound]**

**Steve:** They wouldn't hear an ATV from a mile away, Danny? But you know what? Your whining is probably louder than an ATV.  
><strong>Danny:<strong> My whining?  
><strong>Steve:<strong> Yeah, your whining.  
><strong>Lori [Exhaustedannoyed at hearing them argue]:** How long have you two been married?

18.) A true friend is someone you can disagree with and still remain friends.

**[A suspect tied on the hood of the Camaro]**

**Steve:** Just for the record, if I pulled something like this, you would be reading me the riot act on proper police procedure.

**Danny:** No, I'd probably just arrest you.

**Steve:** Compared to this, hanging a guy off a roof and throwing a guy into a shark cage was pretty tame.

**Danny:** **I disagree**; I think the shark cage _was_ **way** worse.

**Steve:** Okay, whatever, you're wrong, I'm just saying, to be clear, next time, I get a free pass, alright?

19.) A best friend won't agree with you to make you happy. If anything, they'll say what needs to be said, no matter if you want to hear it or not.

**[Steve has Danny immobilized in a rotator lock]**

**Steve:** Now, you don't have to like me detective, but right now, there isn't anyone else to do this job.

**Danny: **Okay. Let me go.

**Steve:** All right, look we have to find these human traffickers…

**[Danny throws a right cross at Steve's jaw; Steve stumbles]**

**Danny:** You're right. I don't like you.

20.) Wanna know who your real friends are? Fuck up and see whose still there.

**Danny [In reference to Steve being arrested by Chin for supposedly murdering the Governor]:** I'm going to get you out of this buddy, I promise.

21.) Sometimes you pick your friends, sometimes they pick you.

**Danny:** Yeah, but you know what? Its guys like you, that think they can do everything better, that makes my job harder.

**Steve:** You've got no choice detective. The governor gave me jurisdiction and I'm making you my partner. [Smiles] We're gonna get along great.

22.) The words that escape a friend's mouth are "I'll be there when you say you need me" but the words that are unheard from a true friend's heart are "I'll be there... whether you say you need me or not.

**[Steve walks in, dressed in full Navel Uniform to Meka's Service; Danny spots him]**

**Danny:** I appreciate you being here. I know you didn't know him.

**Steve: **I know you.

**Danny:** Thank you.

So are they B.F.F.L (Best Friends for Life)? I'd like to think so, but mainly it's because they are just so cute together.

P.S. I did all of the quotes from memory, so if they are off in anyway, please, can you cut me a little slack? I can only remember so much : )

P.P.S.: First, I'd like to apologize for the few spelling mistakes that were in here. FF was being a bit of a meanie about posting and it took about twelve tried before this finally showed up. Second, it completely ruined my spacing, which drives me mad. Third, it bolded things that were not supposed to be bolded. I think I have fixed everything.

-It is with a light and open heart, along with a great deal of anticipation that you, my reader, enjoy my work, just as with all my writing, it really means a great deal to me.

-Reviews and/or constructive criticism are not required here, but are always welcome.

-Flames are not required nor are they welcome; and while I cannot stop you from posting them, I will warn you, I usually don't take them to heart.

Love, Hugs and Kisses,

Muse.


End file.
